Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
