my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
