I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
