Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
