Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
