Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
