why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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