I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
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Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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