I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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