So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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