just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
