Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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