I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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