Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
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what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
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