Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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