After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
