She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
this boner is exhausting
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
