In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
