the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
