I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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