Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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