where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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