last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
