I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
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We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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