My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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