i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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