I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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