I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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