if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
