Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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