he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
