Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
