You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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