I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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