Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Randomize
