apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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