I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
