If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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