This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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