Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
