I want to make a zoo with you.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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