Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
