Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
