only if we run a train.
done.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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