Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
