Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
