If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
