I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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