Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
