Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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