I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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