im six kinds of drunk right now
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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