Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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