Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
