why im i the only drunk person in the library?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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