You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
