The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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