I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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