physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
