Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
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I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
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Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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