Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
