Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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