you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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